her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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