I CAN MOONWALK!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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