The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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