i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
