you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I intend to get homeless drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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