fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
