I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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