'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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