So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
