Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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