i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize