Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
