It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
be right there i have to get my cape
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
