they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
