i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
