it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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