Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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