are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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