Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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