This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
