Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
