butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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