god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
