And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
