I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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