Do you still have your period?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize