We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
