You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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