Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
