Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize