I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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