I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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