She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
