just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
