WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she told me i tasted like america
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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