The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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