Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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