Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
