Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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