i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
