you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
