We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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