Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
