You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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