The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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