i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
