So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
