you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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