according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
