He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
