im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
