dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize