On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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