conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
