She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
