What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
