Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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