I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
