I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Ketchup is God's man juice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
