Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
