He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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