So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
