I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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