dude i'm inner monologue high
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
