I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
