New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
