If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
