did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
