i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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