i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
