her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
