I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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