I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
