ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
COCAINE IS GR8
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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