Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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