Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
