and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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