yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
