He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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