I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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