I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
