She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
