Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
