Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we made out on top of his cat.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
