Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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