I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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