so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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