I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
