Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize