if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
