You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
