tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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