There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
