He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Someone came in the potted fern
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
