Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
