I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
