Will you blow on my dice?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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