Why does Corona taste like a burp?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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