Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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