You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
