you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
