I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
