no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
