Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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