I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
