does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize